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Are you chasing after a man and don’t even know it?

Well its the WRONG thing to do whatever way you try to justify it!

Some of my amazing So Sue Me readers got in touch and mentioned that you missed reading about relationship advice and the girls and guys NO’s NO’s- I decided to do this one for you girls today!!


After a bit of research and seeing what the professionals have to say about relationships and actually securing the bloke you like.. a big NO no and what you should NOT do is chase him!! I think every girl can apply herself to this! We’ve all fallen for someone and we probably put too much work in as far as the initial contact and in return made him RUN in the other direction!

When you chase a man, you not only tend to unwittingly push him away, but in the end, you don’t give him the chance to show you how HE really feels about YOU. We know how frustrating it is to sit back and let a man drift away- we want a man to know we’re interested in him, we want to make it easy for him to ask us out again… we want to seem enthusiastic and easygoing. We know we’re not supposed to be chasing after him, and yet we’re doing it in ways that we’re not even aware of.

We think being “friendly” is the same as showing interest in a man. We are taught to think that if we act “casual” a man won’t notice that we’re actually chasing him.

But, the truth is, we are. And when we do things that seem like we’re “chasing” to a man, it’s a turn off for him. He feels smothered and feels an aggressive “vibe” from you that does nothing to inspire him to want to get closer.

Here are some things we may think of as “friendly,” that are actually CHASING a man:

  • Calling him before he calls you. This includes calling him because you heard or read about something interesting, or because you knew there was a great band/DJ playing somewhere, or someone told you about some great event that you want to invite him to or – anything at all. It also includes calling to ask why he hasn’t called you.
  • Initiating contact. E-mailing him, texting him, Facebooking him, sending him a cute card, dropping by his house, or in any way attempting to initiate some kind of contact.
  • Making suggestions or plans. Inviting him to come and join you, or in any way acting like the social director of the relationship.
  • Asking him how he feels. This includes, especially, asking him how he feels about “you” or the “relationship.”

These are things we do almost without even thinking about it. These are things that feel natural to us, and we excuse them by thinking we’re just being “friendly.” And at the heart of this is one fear: Feeling like we’re going to lose him by not letting him know we’re interested in him.


Everything on this list is the same as putting a sign on your chest that says “Needy.” It smacks of desperation. And, it’s just plain not attractive to him.

He may LIKE it. He may be flattered. He may have no one else around and so he’ll date you. He may even come to like you very much. You may even end up in a relationship with him.

But, you will never know how he really feels about you.



Much Love,

Sue xxx

  • http://twitter.com/Libradiaries Libra Diaries

    I am a true chaser. Never was before, and made the stupid mistake of driving by his house to see what it looked like in the flesh. First, it was dark, no one was home and so it looked deserted and I think he may not be interested in me he told me not to write him ever again. So…I take that as a cue. Oh well. moving on.

  • Tara

    Love this advice! I really enjoy your blog. Your great at what you do Sue. T xx

  • antoinette

    I don’t agree with this at all, I think if a guy likes you he likes you end of story… I can safely say every girl has made it there business by chasing a man and make excuse like ohh he does like me .. im sure he does “he is just shy” Could be the shiest person in the world but i reckon if a man really likes a girl enough he’ll make the effort.. i don’t believe in this mind games …. I feel like theres someone for everyone out their.. and some maybe lucky to find more than one !! I think girls need to cut the crap and get over chasing fellas!!

  • http://www.ronanobrien.info Ronan

    I don’t know Sue. Calling guys, asking whats up and suggesting stuff to do wouldnt put a guy off at all in my opinion. If anything it keeps you on the front of his mind. Now i’m not saying its ok when a girl texts 6 times while you are in the shower, espically saying I’m sorry for the last 10 texts please dont ignore me.

    I think the real key is don’t treat guys like your girlfriends. Guys don’t ring other guys for chats about nothing, if you wanna ask them out think of something fun to do and say hey i’m thinking of doing this (subtext – with or without you) wanna come along?

    I reckon though if you dont take any initiative sometimes cause people are just busy they might forget about you. So it really comes down to do you want to have your pick of the talent pool, or just wait to get picked and hope your lucky.